Australian Species and the 'burbs'

Insert David Attenborough voice. 

Let's set the scene. It's a beautiful summer evening. The magpies are on the front lawn, the crickets are chirping, and the trees are gently rustling in the warm summer air. 

We see our first species, bogan suburban dad. Bogan suburban dad is a common creature, often seen mowing the lawn in board shorts, thongs, and a Bintang singlet at 8;00AM. Or seen walking the RSPCA special in the middle of the day. Today, we see bogan suburban dad caring for his young. He teaches his young to ride their first bikes on the road into on-coming traffic. His young are also taught the uselessness of cycle safety features such as: helmets, reflectors, and closed in footwear. Startled by my lack of thongs, bogan suburban dad and his young quickly retreat into their mid priced brick home. Bogan suburban dad will venture out again but for now he and his young are in for the night.

Next we spy young exercising girl. Young exercising girl is a unique creature who's sole purpose is to attract a mate. Young exercising girl does this by wearing Lorna Jane sports wear, white headphones, a high ponytail, and a generous coverage of make-up before embarking on her quest to exercise for a mate. She walks the streets, being careful not to break a sweat, searching for a mate. Young car guy and young tradie are often attracted to young exercising girl. If they approve they signal their availability with a mating call from a car window. However, young exercising girl does have to be careful to fend of the advances of older tradie. Older tradie will also signal his availability with a mating call. Young exercising girl must quickly move on if she encounters an older tradie.

Further up the road is middle aged car guy. Middle aged car guy is dying species, falling prey to displeased wives. Their home can be distinguished from others by the large volume of assorted cars in and around their driveway. It is not known why middle aged car guy collects these cars, as the functionality and practicality of the vehicles does not appear significant. Middle aged car guy enjoys retreating from displeased wife onto the front lawn to simply stand around his collection. He will, on occasion, preen puff out his chest and take a particularly attention grabbing vehicle around the block. It is important on these trips that middle aged car guys alerts the block to his presence with loud reving. This can often be interrupted as obnoxious but is merely middle aged car guy alerting his neighbours of his vehicle.  

Often found on the front lawns of these species are magpies. Magpies are a common Australian bird, best known for swooping children at parks, causing cyclist to attach zip ties to their heads, and waking up a neighbourhood at 6:00AM. Magpies will bring their children onto suburban front lawns and allow them to loudly request food. The parent will walk swiftly around the lawn searching for food to quiet its young. The young will follow the parent at a distant and increase the volume of the request. Once food has been found, the young will quieten while swallowing then loudly being to request food again. The parents pacing will increase in speed with the fustration of the demanding young. Eventually the parent will become fed-up and fly away, leaving the young to cry loudly on the front lawn. It cannot be classified as a suburban neighbourhood without the presence of these Australian birds.