Confusion and opinions

Living in Australian means it is currently summer. Summer means 30+ degrees everyday. 30+ degree everyday means I am in hell.

I ventured outside today to visit the doctor. Fun fact! Side effect of broken ankle is chronic back pain. Chronic back pain means visits to the osteopath. Visit to the osteopath means very sad bank account. My grandma drove me - we almost died. She is a creative driver. I tried to explain online shopping to her. She did not understand. She loudly voiced her opinions of all the other patients waiting at the doctors.

TEAGAN HE'S A BIT FAT.

 TEAGAN I DON'T THINK THAT LADY IS A VERY GOOD MUM.

TEAGAN THAT MAN IS CHINESE.

Sigh. Old people are very opinionated - my grandma is a level above this.

Next was a trip to the supermarket. I needed coffee. It has been 5 days and 7 hours since I ran out of coffee. Grandma pushes in-front of sweet old dear on a walker. Grandma wants the raisin toast, none for sweet old dear on walker! I get bag of coffee. Grandma tells me to get instant coffee. I try, and fail, to explain I cannot use instant coffee in my espresso machine. I end up with instant coffee. Grandma wants cash out with her grocery purchase. Cashier is confused. Cashier is reprimanded for confusion by one angry Grandma.  Cashier is glad to see the back of us.

Next stop morning tea. Grandma needs to take her medication. RSL Time! The RSL is known for their excellent coffee. Sarcasm. Apricot pie delicious with my large burnt coffee. Time for random stories about Grandma's life.

UNCLE BILL USED TO GO TO KINDY WITH ME. I HAD EGG AND LETTUCE SANDWICHES IN A CARDBOARD BOX. I CAN'T BREATHE WHEN IT'S HOT. I THINK IT MIGHT RAIN. MY FATHER WAS AN ANGRY MAN. I ONLY HAD PEG DOLLS TO PLAY WITH. KIWI MEN MAKE THE BEST LOVERS. 

Sigh. Grandma drives me back home. More stories at top volume. Perhaps she has trouble hearing? Did not die - almost hit several other drivers. More creative driving. I love my Grandma.

Pad and tampon pity party

Let me set the scene.

- You've just signed your very first lease for your very first unit. Sure it's small, overpriced, and a bit crap but it's all yours!

- You are so excited you race down the real estate stairs holding your new lease and fumble around for your phone, because naturally this is a momentous #selfie moment that needs immediate documentation, and BAM you go down.

- You sit at the bottom of the stairs, a bit confused, in the main street of your town hoping no one saw your epic fail. Your bag has spewed it's contents all over the footpath. There are pads and tampons everywhere. People are stepping over said contents as well has your favourite Ted Baker ballet flats and new Ray Bans sunnies.

- You make an attempt to stand up and gather your things and realise you can't walk. Shit.

- Then "oh hi real estate receptionist, yeah could you please grab my pads and tampons, yeah thanks great". Oh god.

- Place urgent call to mum to rescue you.

- Ankle appears lumpy, deformed, and grapefruit sized.

- "Don't mind me passers by! Just crying to myself in the middle of the footpath. Please continue to awkwardly avoid eye contact and step over me".

- Mum arrives! More crying "Mummy I am definitely dying!"

- Trip to emergency room.

- Sit in wheel chair for 5 hours feeling sorry for self.

- Doctor's name is Niall, unfortunately not 1D's Niall Horan he does not appear to moon light as an ER doctor, however name is very satisfying regardless.

- The verdict Dr. Niall? 1x broken ankle. 1x pink cast. 6x weeks no walking.

- Merry Christmas.